what i really meant to say|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Monday, February 20th, 2006|
will i ever get out of this haze? this sleep deprived, overworked, overschooled haze? Current Mood: tired
|Friday, January 6th, 2006|
So much stuff has happened lately and I am feeling pretty good. I have an interview at Applebees today to be a hostess. School starts on Monday, but i already have an assload of reading to do before the first day, which sucks, because I am going to have that much every single week. Yesterday I took a little tour and saw the floor of Hurley i am going to be doing my clinicals on all semester long, 7E, which is patient care, so its basically like an overflow floor and has all kinds of patients on it. I am getting so excited about it! but nervous too! We finally got cable internet, its about time. My laptop is on a wireless router too. i had to fix my computer before xmas which took like 3 weeks. Mervyn's is closing in a few weeks, the date isn't set yet though. So Matt will need to find a new job. I hope he has good luck with that. Now that I am unemployed we are spending so much more time together and i love it! I am also on a regular sleeping schedule again. tomorrow we have a wedding to go to for his boss' daughter. i love going to weddings. speaking of which, autumn is engaged! i know this is old news to everyone else, but not to me! Haha. I am so happy for her. Christmas and New Years were good, nothing too eventful to tell. My birthday happened in there too so now I am 21! but i still offered to be the dd for the wedding and i really need to clean out my car. But, right now i need to shower and go to my interview! woot. Current Mood: excited
|Sunday, October 16th, 2005|
Go to google.com and type "(your name) needs" [don't forget the quotes]. Then list the funniest 5 results.
"Stephanie needs to get some pies to Brooklyn. Mmmm... pie."
"Stephanie needs some help Look at those pants!"
"Stephanie needs a moving van... And SOON!"
"Stephanie needs to mind her own business, as usual."
"Stephanie needs to pose in PLAYBOY" Current Mood: funny
|Sunday, October 2nd, 2005|
Today I got woken up by a giant bee buzzing around me. Not cool.
|Thursday, September 29th, 2005|
Its strange to think about how quickly emotions can sneak up on us
i wonder why i have to learn some of the useless things in school that i do
im a shopaholic
i should spend more time with my mom, and do girl stuff together
i hate that my brother is married. But he doesn't know that.
ive learned that the best friends are the ones that even when you go for weeks without seeing them, it feels like its only been seconds
i wish i could lose more weight
i procrastinate too much (but I'll worry about that one later...)
i am trying to appreciate the small things in life. while looking at the big picture. Current Mood: philosophic
|Saturday, May 21st, 2005|
I've been away for awhile, as in away from the computer
i have a new job at an auto parts factory, and its going pretty good. i work M-F 3-11pm and im still working at mervyn's on some weekends. im pretty happy about it.
it is really nice out today. summer is starting to actually feel like summer now which makes me very happy. i love summer. i love swimming. i love sunshine. i love summer nights. i love sleeping with the windows open. i love the way summer smells. i love bonfires. Current Mood: relaxed
|Monday, April 18th, 2005|
things are ok for the moment. exams this week, finals next week. im trying not to get to stressed out but still make sure im getting my shit done.
a guy i work with bought me some sandals. is that weird? he knows i have a boyfriend(because i told him) so i dont know what he is thinking. its confusing me, but i dont really care because hey, i got some shoes! what can i say, boys like to buy things for me... hah.
did i mention i have the best boyfriend ever? because i do. his birthday is coming up so that will be fun.
the job situation is kind of on hold right now.
not a whole lot to say, plus i have to go study.
|Thursday, April 14th, 2005|
i have an interview today. at 3:00.
please please please let this work out.
2nd shift, full time, permanant. thats all i ask. Current Mood: nervous
|Monday, April 11th, 2005|
|school can eat my ass
Term paper due in 15 minutes
and my disk 'isn't formatted or is formatted for a macintosh'
bullshit, i used it this morning.
|Wednesday, April 6th, 2005|
|i was saved by grace but destroyed by naivety
im having money issues.
meaning, i don't have any. i need a better job, but if i get something new it has to accomodate school next fall (theres only 2 weeks left now) because then i would just have to look for another job! i want to work full time, but everywhere is part time and they don't even guarantee a certain number of hours. i've actually applied at a lot of places already. haven't heard back from anyone. AT ALL. suck.
today i told my mom that i should have gone away to college so that everything would be paid for. meal plans, rent paid for, etc. and i could get a job if i needed. but no, i decide to stay here and save my parents a freakin ton of money on tuition so they decide i have to pay for everything myself, while trying to get good grades. right. i mean, who charges their kids rent? oh, i remember, the ones who just bought a nearly quarter million dollar house...
i understand that i have responsibilities and bills and things i have to do on my own. i lived on my own for almost all of 2004. but since i am in school full freakin time, i don't think its too much to ask that I don't have to try to kill myself working full time also. but, if i could get the hours, i definitely would work full time. maybe they should try to find me a damn job that i can work and still go to school. i know that its not supposed to be easy, but its also not supposed to be impossible.
i didn't realize i had that much anger about it... damn.
|Monday, April 4th, 2005|
I've decided I should update more often.
I had a good weekend, on Saturday Sara and i went to svsu to see glp perform, which was awesome. went to dinner with carlee zac megan sara and brian, i miss seeing everyone so it was really nice to be able to just hang out. Then we went to a mall and I bought stuff I didnt need... (ponders about carlees last update)... anyway, and the rest of the weekend I spent with matt. He is the greatest guy. girls are complicated, girls are emotional, girls are confusing. I am a girl. No matter how stupid the thing that i am upset about is (although at the moment, it is not stupid to me, it is always an immediate horrible emotional emergency) he never makes me feel stupid, or feel like i am making a big deal out of nothing, even if i am. because he knows that in that moment, it is not nothing and there is nothing that will change my mind at that point. "If it weren't for girls, there wouldn't BE any big deals. guys would just grab a beer and be over it."
I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was on my way to work, but i wasnt wearing the right clothes, i think i was wearing jeans, so i had to buy some right before work. in my dream, the store that is actually deb in the mall was a Mervyn's plus size store. and i had to go buy my clothes there, and then a bunch of people i work with came in and were looking at me like 'oh my god she is so fat she has to shop here' and im trying to explain to them, no, they have regular sizes too! look, i have a size 12 in my hand! but they werent listening, or just didn't believe me, and i woke up trying to convince them that i wasn't fat! it was traumatizing. i need to lose weight.
I don't work again until friday. i am happy about that because i really need to concentrate on school right now. 3 weeks left, and i have no motivation in me. i need to kick myself in the ass for 3 fucking weeks and get it done. just do it.
hopefully i can sleep tonight.
|Monday, March 28th, 2005|
I had the absolute best night last night. It was one of those completely fulfulling, amazing times with a person when you don't even have to speak because there is no need to. And everything was perfect. And everything is perfect.
|Monday, March 21st, 2005|
wow, i have never been this sick for this long before. Wednesday night i started getting sick and here it is monday! i went to genesys urgent care yesterday and they gave me some pills and im starting to feel better. i missed sooo much tho. 4 days of work, 3 days of school, 2 parties, a luncheon at work. i feel like i flew to europe and forgot to tell everybody or something. i feel like a piece of shit that can't keep commitments. the only thing that makes it all ok is that matt took the best care of me i could have ever asked for. i was there wed night when i started getting sick, and was there until i went to the doctor sunday. he is the best boyfriend i have ever had, and i mean that. i was gonna bring him to ambers party on thursday too. im not sure if when i was sick in my dilusions i told him i want to marry him... i remember thinking it, but if i actually said it or not i dont know. i emailed my professors and they are being really helpful about leting me make up stuff. i feel bad though because i miss class sort of a lot for no reason and then if they ask why i tell them i was sick, and this time i actually am sick, so i feel like they shouldn't believe me. Current Mood: better
|Wednesday, March 16th, 2005|
|Tuesday, March 15th, 2005|
I really really really hope I get this job
please please please Current Mood: hopeful
|Wednesday, March 9th, 2005|
I feel guilty that i am hardly ever home. i mean, i am busy with school and work, and i spend a lot of time with matt. but i come home to sleep, which by the time i get home they are sleeping and when i wake up they are gone. so i almost feel like, if i am there they don't notice anyway. so why come home just to please them? nonetheless, i feel guilty. like i should be a better daughter and appreciate the roof over my head more or something. but come on, i pay rent! to my own fucking parents!
arrggh this emotional dilemma Current Mood: guilty
|Friday, March 4th, 2005|
things can change so fast. without anyones approval or permission, they just happen, and we have no control.
it really makes you think. Current Mood: shocked
|Friday, February 25th, 2005|
Last night i watched Pulp Fiction for the first time ever. and i have to say, it was a great movie.
apparently, i was movie deprived as a girl. There is so much shit i haven't seen that i "have to"
weird stuff has been happening lately... its the full moon i swear. did anyone see the moon last night? it was so big and so round and so bright it was impossible not to fixate on it.
i am happy for this weekend to come. i am officially on spring break because i just had my last class of the day. if only i could go somewhere tropical and sunny, my spring break might be complete.
Justin and his fiancee are moving today, and i told them i would help. they're moving to rising estates so they can take her dog zoey to live with them. that reminds me, rachel when is jessica getting married?
i wish i was at the point in my life where i was getting married. not that i am ready for it, because im not, but i wish i was. and that it would happen perfectly just as in my dreams. with a 5 carat ring. just kidding...but seriously though.
hehehe Current Mood: mischievous
|Thursday, February 24th, 2005|
I just took my anatomy and physiology exam and i feel really good about it. i studied, like actually, sat down and STUDIED (me?) and it actually helped. one down, one to go.
pew. someone in this computer lab has B.O. I hope its not me. *makes un-obvious sniffing gesture* nope, not me :) haha.
im feeling good today. i keep a regular paper journal too, which actually gets a lot more use than this one, and i got a lot of feelings out and was able to have thought processes about them and things are ok now. i've realized that i just need to let myself be happy and not worry about the future so much. i am happy now, and that is what matters. sometimes things happen that aren't planned, but worrying about them before they happen is a waste of energy. it actually is very physically draining to worry about things.
sigh of relief
go to matts
study for psych exam
sounds like a good night.
you know who i haven't talked to in a long time? sarah shannon. does anyone talk to her? i wonder if she still works at davison office products. i should get in touch with her, shes a cool girl. im excited for ambers bday party on saturday! i can't wait to see everyone <3 Current Mood: i have to pee